Army spouses face unique challenges

By David W. Kuhns Sr., Northwest Guardian

What does it take to be an Army spouse? The same things it does to be any kind of spouse — only more so.

I have never been an Army spouse, so I have no first-hand experience about what it feels like. On the other hand, I have plenty of experience being around Army spouses — and living with a pretty remarkable member of the club. And I am no expert on marital relations or parenting, but I have a successful marriage and have raised a pretty good son. I am just like all you readers, in other words — someone who can offer an opinion.

Army spouses have always been the objects of stereotypes. Some of those images have been less than flattering. You can all fill in the blanks on those. There are certainly individuals out there who represent every negative that has been around over the decades. But they have never represented most spouses.

Now we have a new set of stereotypes that have been added to the old. Like the old timers, the new image of the Army spouse is also often rather negative. Who would want to live the life of the helpless, depressed, lonely, passive individuals portrayed in the media?

But, while these times we live in have brought to life plenty of poor individuals suffering from the ill effects of long separations, worry and stress, far more Army spouses face those challenges, rise to them, and move on with their lives and those of their families.

Perhaps it is time to start spreading some new images.

Instead of the helpless wife who desperately watches the house fall apart in the absence of her handy husband, lets promote the image of the resourceful woman who gets some advice at the hardware store then starts fixing things herself, following the simple philisophy “How hard can it be?”

Instead of the self-centered gold-digger who heads out to the bars as soon as his or her Soldier gets on the plane, let’s focus on the dedicated life partner who finds support in the contact that can be maintained and remains devoted and hopeful in the face of every hated delay and extension.

Instead of accepting the image of the overwhelmed young parent who abandons the children to endless television and video games and meets misbehavior with nothing but threats of future retribution, let’s tip our caps to the thousands of moms and dads who cheerfully take on both roles with imagination, energy and humor. Think of the temporarily single dads learning to cook Thanksgiving dinner or helping to pick out a prom dress, or the moms fixing bicycles or camping with the Boy Scouts.

Instead of the stereotype of the spouse who complains and whines about the demands of Army life, let’s focus on the vast majority who remind themselves “I knew I was marrying a Soldier,” and adapt to everything that comes their way.

I look at my wife as a great example of what an Army spouse should be. She maintained our home in my absence, provided stability for our son in the face of the constantly shifting Army world, provided welcome sympathy when I came home in a bad mood, and joined in my celebrations when things were going really well. She acted like a second mother, a big sister or a friend to the Soldiers she met, instinctively knowing what they needed. She was — and is — my partner, advisor, and friend.

She is truly remarkable — and absolutely typical of the Army spouse.

For some reason it is human nature to focus on the negative we see around us and treat it as though it is the standard. But the positive is really far more common. I’m no expert, but I am pretty confident that Army spouses exemplify everything anyone would want in a marriage — only more so.