How to manage change after deployment

Dr. Trish Prosser/U.S. Army Center for Health Promotion and Preventive Medicine

Having the family together again and enjoying the return of a deployed father or mother can be a time of great joy, but it is also a major transition that can have its difficulties for all those involved—returning Soldier, spouse, children and other family members.

Managing the change that deploy-ments bring about can help everyone to develop resiliency, especially children.

Even a few months is a long time in the life of a child, whether the child is an infant, toddler, pre-teen or teenager. Children go through periods of rapid development and change, and this impacts their view of the world around them. They grow physically and emotionally—from crawling to walking, from home to school, from elementary to high school.

While the deployed family member was away, there may have been varying amounts of contact by Webcam, phone, e-mail or letters. This can be great, but it can also have its problems. Be aware, for instance, that 3 year olds seeing mommy or daddy on the Webcam do not always understand why mommy or daddy cannot just come out of the computer, and this can lead to some challenging behavior.

Teenagers who feel resentful that mom or dad was not there for an important game or the prom, have the insight to know that the absence was not the parent’s fault — and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

Talking to your children about their expectations for the homecoming is a good way to begin engaging them in the readjustments to come. Find out about the fun things they want to do with their returned parents and the things they might be fearful of. Also be aware returning parents have been in different places, perhaps in difficult circumstances and might also have expectations or fears about reconnecting.

Routines will need to be readjusted. It is normal that as new routines develop, there might be some friction.

Parents who stayed at home managed to adjust to meet challenges and changes over the period of the deployment, and they will find it difficult to immediately change.

Know what help is available to you and your family over this transition. This is especially necessary for families of returning members of the Army Reserve and National Guard, who might not enjoy as much access to programs as active-duty Soldiers and families, with regular access to military installations.

Also, in addition to Army support for returning Soldiers and their families, there are many other resources and support networks that have sprung up over the course of the last few years. Many of these can be found on the Web or even from installation support services such as Army Community Service.

Above all, take things slowly. Be patient. There is no right way or wrong way to reconnect. The aim in the end, is that the family is still a family.

More resources can be found by going to:

• www.militaryonesource.com

• www.cs.amedd.army.mil/youth.aspx#

• http://archive.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/ or http://www.sesameworkshop.org/initiatives

• http://focusproject.org/